Men SHOULD Write Women in Fantasy

Men SHOULD Write Women in Fantasy

People argue all the time about whether or not men should write women in their books. 

There’s no shortage of memes where the dude author describes the  female character’s chest in extreme, almost gross detail (looking at you, Gur Martin. I think we can all agree that a lonely, nasty old man’s fantasy of what they want women to be shouldn’t be the gold standard for how women get portrayed.

But it also shouldn’t prevent the rest of us dudes who aren’t lonely and gross from writing women who are strong, respectable and resonant. 

I’m a guy, so I’m taking this whole topic from the viewpoint of the man. Girls, write your own blog.

 

SOURCE MATERIAL FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS

Everyone writes what they know. Here’s the examples of where most men learn to write female characters.

MOMS

The truism in parenting is that dads are closest to their daughters, and moms are closest to their sons. There’s less competition in the relationships.

I remember my dad telling me that how I treat my mom now is how I will treat my wife in the future, and it laid this incredible sense of responsibility on me as a kid that matured as I became a young man.

I learned and practiced the concept of honor w taking care of my mom, like lifting heavy things for her, not because she couldn’t, but because I wanted her to be more comfortable. If we took a trip, I would do the dishes the morning before we left, drying and putting them away, so that she would not have to come back home to a sink full of dishes (which is a thing chicks care about, I guess; I would be fine).

WIVES

I love my wife, man. As misogynistic as I am for fun, I will freely admit that without my wife, I’d be helpless. She is rock-steady, grounded and consistent. I don’t have to worry about her spending, any faithlessness, gambling, drinking, addictions, nothing. As a matter of fact, she thinks she’s boring. I couldn’t disagree more.

In a healthy man’s life, he will spend the majority in the company of his wife. Eat together, sleep together, travel together, move together, etc. If one of those things isn’t happening regularly, that relationship is usually on the outs.

You can identify an author who disrespects women by how he treats his wife. And I’m not talking about just in front of other people. Does this man hide from his wife? Does he avoid her company? If given a choice, does he choose the other option than her?

This kind of unconscious behavior manifests in writing, because we pull our creative power from one of two places: what we know from reality, and what we wish was real. If a man is writing wildly inaccurate women with heaving buxom bosoms and a submissive demeanor, this dude is probably not in a healthy relationship with a real woman.

DAUGHTERS

Not everyone gets blessed with daughters. Some husbands can’t have kids for medical reasons, or they only have sons. It’s okay.

But man, there’s nothing like having a little tribe of cheerleaders who love you because you’re their dad.

I have four daughters. I like to tell people that God thinks there’s so much man in my house already, He has to offset it with this many girls. The number of random spontaneous hugs I get on a daily basis is astronomical. There are giggles and girly screams and dramatic over-reactions galore (and crying, ohmygoshsomuchcryingjuststopcrying). 

I love my girls. They are so brave, weirdly fragile and eager to please.

So it pisses me off when I see dudes misrepresenting them in fiction. It makes me want to rip their lungs out of their fricking chests when a girl gets described as components of a Wish.com sex toy.

  

WRITING WOMEN RIGHT

To write strong, honorable women, you must believe that women are strong and honorable. You must honor the women in your life, mothers, wives and daughters. If you’re missing one of those, honor someone else’s mom, wife or daughter. Treat them as unique treasures, each similar to one another but different at the same time.

Remember, it’s the flaws in a gem that gives the jewel its gorgeous color, and therefore its value.

Do that, and you will feel the responsibility to write women correctly in your fiction. As a reader, you will feel disgust when you see a woman depicted like a piece of meat.

When I wrote Desolate, the story of Sevara the Blooded, I worked hard on making her strong yet feminine. I didn’t need a guy with breasts, I needed a woman who could stand on her own terms. I asked my wife questions constantly, I hit up the women in my writing group. To make her real was important to me, because I wanted to honor her character and the pain she endured.

It’s not good enough to crap out something about her cleavage and how she cries too much. It’s not up to my standards to relegate her to either a helpless female who exists to aggrandize the hero, or blow her out of proportions to Conana Barbariana, Emasculator of Men.

If we want better women in fiction, we need to honor them in reality.

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